Tales from Alexandria

Pain, oh the Pain

Believe the Hype.  When you watch Steve Correll yell in pain in his Oscar-worthy performance playing that mal-adjusted virgin as thousands of roots are wrenched from his body in a single stroke, know that it's all too accurate.  When I was a young and stupid kid I remember saying to my friends how I wanted some chest and facial hair so I could be all big and manly.  Well God definitely got the last laugh on that one as he balanced the Universe by making up for the 1 billion hairless chinese entirely on my body.  I remember the naive joy as I yelped in my cracking voice as that first bits of hair showed up on my stomach.  And then like the locusts of the Bible, or the marauding Mongolians, the dark terror didn't stop.  Ever.  There were times I thought I could fight it off, like when I saw that first long curly bastard sprout on my shoulder.  Pluck pluck it went, and straight out of Fantasia it was replaced by two others... and then four others.  You know how that ends, unfortunately for me I can't take off the wizard's hat.

Not without ripping my own head off anyway, well that's what it felt like.  So after all these years I decided to go through it with and get it waxed off my back.  Actually it wasn't so much a decision as kind of getting gently pushed into it.  The disturbing aspect of it all is that I think my mom really enjoyed the whole experience getting me back for the whole 9 months thing I imagine.  As I lay there curled up slowly sobbing into my hands after she performed a particularly long strip she'd sneakily come in and do some left over patches nice, quick and deadly, like the original arabian assassins.  She's not hopped up on hash though.  I should've been that's for sure.  It wasn't so much as her ripping the hair out, as it felt like she was placing a white-hot iron on my skin, 50 times over.

Now was it worth it?  Enh.  I never really had a problem with the aesthetics of it all.  And my back now joins the soles of my feet as the hairless parts of my body.  However, taking that first shower and feeling my shoulders, and I mean really feeling them, as I haven't felt the skin on those things in years now, I had to smile.  It's like when you first get your braces off and your teeth are finally free.  People that have gone through that know the kind of satisfying liberation that is felt.  It's kind of the same thing here.  But does this doom me to a life of golden pain every few times a year?  Will I get curious and try my chest?  My legs?  I mean, it sounds crazy now, but once you've gone down that rabbit hole it's just a matter of inches.  One thing I know for sure is I'm making the most of what I've done and going shirtless for the next month.

Here's me doing some awesome flips into the Mediterranean.

nice! i think i like your mommy already.. they should create a giant tumbler that is lined in a sort of epilator wall and toss you in there rolling you around and ta-da! hair is all gone :P

i'm glad though, that you went through with it cuz soooo many guys are just wusses and are afraid! AFRAID I SAY! :P now i can only call you the half moose.

anyhoo, have a great time! :) see ya when you get back.

Here's an awesome video of my 4 year old niece flying a kite.  As you can see she's a pure natural.

The End of an Era

It only lasted 3 weeks but damnit I put a lot of work into my beard.  I went through a few days of itchy hell, had to groom it, keep it nice and organized.  But alas the forces of fate were against me, and I had to take it off.  At least I could try out some things in the process...

The Werewolf

 

The Zangief

 

The Arrow

 

The Usual

Personally, I like the Zangief. The "arrow" makes you look creepy, and the first one you nailed on the head. Werewolf for sure.

Where did you find all of these? www.beardshavingtemplates.com?

For those wondering what happened with the lack of updates I spent the week in the gorgeous Sharm El-Sheik.  I'll have a full write-up soon, but for now I'll let this serve as a preview

Updated the first post to give a better guide.

The Sharm Experience - Background

Sharm El-Sheik, Egypt also known as the City of Peace is paradise on Earth.  It's no wonder that Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak hosts all of the political and economic meetings in the city.  Everybody who steps foot in the cool shade of the Sinai mountains and views the turquoise Red Sea lapping against the coast is lulled into a sense of utter relaxation.  The perfect condition to make business deals.

Amazingly enough, only 15 years ago Sharm was a small fishing village with very little attention.  People started to wake up and realize how incredible of a place Sharm is and development sky rocketed.

The greatest part of Sharm exists in the Red Sea itself, as the pure and clear waters house a ton of different coral reefs and the beautiful sea-life that accompanies them.  This natural underwater beauty is what has made Sharm one of the top scuba diving locations in the world.  You don't even have to scuba dive to appreciate the amazing views as the coral exists right along the beaches of the hotels, and there are many incredible fishes and sea creatures easily viewable in knee-deep water and a snorkel kit.

Hey Omar,

That's an interesting theory about the ketchup. Makes me wonder, what's the next step? McCain comes out with Ketchup Pockets? Interesting.. (Un)fortunately, I'm not a big fan of ketchup. hehe Anyway, enough for today, I'll read some more tomorrow during lunch. : )

Keep it coming! hahah